a poem i wrote yesterday.

there is no way out
of being inside yourself
knowing yourself too well
to forget, it was about,
it was about time,
about the time you've waited,
for what seems like nothing,
nothing like what you had before,
or what you thought you'd have.

and now you're twisting inside,
inside your nerves are tangled,
as you try to tangle the present
with the past, is who you were,
the past is who you were.
But what is the future?
do any of you know the future?
Someone tell us please...
And who do you want to be?
can you find the space to dream?


the past is who you were.
the present is who you are.
the future is who you will be.

a scattered narration on my evening. unclear.

hello. how are you?

i want a cure i want a cure. does anyone read this? if you are reading this...leave me a comment and say hello.

i was talking to my best friend lucas tonight. i love seeing my best friends. i had dinner with brody, raeanna surprised me and kissed me, it was nice. and then lucas came over and we watched a good movie and discussed our opposing views of "modest mouse" --- he was complaining in his blog --- http://lucaswantstobepoor.blogspot.com --- about how he has been struggling with being cynical. and i suggested that maybe it's because he has been filling his mind lately with FUCKING modest mouse. (i kind of REALLY dislike them...and bright eyes...two of lucas' favorites...sorry, don't take it personally...seriously.) but yes...i understand that modest mouse has some really great music...i'll admit, they are musically great. i feel similarly to bright eyes, he has some really great stuff...but i can't get past their destructive attitudes toward life, our lives, our struggles, our hopes and passions: these artists are NOT helping the pains of this world...they are feeding them. i'm sorry...but i can't support that, it doesn't work for me. i don't know why i'm writing about this...i'm bored and i don't want to sleep. good night.


currently listening to "Funeral" by: Arcade Fire. http://www.arcadefire.com

yellow stick figure

this is a riddle about nothing.

8 hours of the last 24 hours of my life were spent in a completely unconscious state. but i was breathing...carrying on, sleeping. how many of you will turn 24 and realize that you've wasted 8 years of your life just breathing and carrying on?

what is it that we should put our lives into? friends. football. politics. school. religion. career. money. community service? i don't even know anymore...i used to know. just like you, i used to know exactly what to do. now, there's hardly anything that seems to demand necessary constant attention from me. maybe i'm just trying to loose the things that will let me go. if they will let me go, they don't need me. if they can't let me go, they must need me. who are they?

yellow stick figure enters a door that was drawn ahead of time. yellow stick figure sees what he was supposed to see. yellow stick figure is changed. yellow stick figure sits on the red couch inside of the room. yellow stick figure gets comfortable and makes friends inside of the room. yellow stick figure is at home. yellow stick figure thinks red and believes red. yellow stick figure doesn't go outside. yellow stick figure is happy. yellow stick figure hates the outside. i love yellow stick figure. yellow stick figure doesn't know how to love me.

currently listening to: "pocket symphony" by: Air. http://www.pocket-symphony.com/